Psychological First Aid for Couples on the Brink of a Breakup

Couples Therapy in Barranquilla with Psychologist Fabio Olivo Montañez

A couple is formed by the "voluntary" union (I put the word voluntary in quotation marks because it isn't really all that voluntary) of two people pursuing a common goal, aim, and/or purpose. It is the result of the "conscious" decision of two ordinary human beings, with certainties and uncertainties, strengths and weaknesses, passions and contradictions, to build a team of mutual support focused on growing together, a place where control, in principle, is left out of the equation. But since that is not the case, among other reasons, romantic relationships go through different stages, challenges, and hurdles, including communication problems, constant arguments, emotional distance, mistrust, jealousy, family conflicts, and/or difficulty making important decisions, factors that can, and do, deeply affect the well-being of both partners.

The Bond Between Love, Freedom, and Power

In clinical practice, one fundamental premise becomes clear: you can't force a shoe to fit. In other words, love cannot be imposed, because to love means to choose "freely" out of genuine desire, and not out of obligation, jealousy, fear (in any of its forms), or emotional dependence. Freedom within the relationship gives each person the power to decide, change their mind, say what they think, and consciously choose which battles to fight and where to give in.

When a person truly loves, they give up manipulation, the abuse of power, and control. Unfortunately, the value system that governs our society when it comes to relationships is very violent, and from childhood, within the family, we are taught control as a way of relating to others. This creates dynamics in which one or both partners end up sacrificing their essence, giving up the things they enjoy or keeping their opinions to themselves for fear that their partner will get upset or angry. Whoever acts this way loses their freedom because of fear. That is why an essential part of couples therapy is identifying incompatibility between the partners, which, incidentally, tends to surface after the infatuation phase, while raising young children, or during a personal existential crisis of either partner.

That is why, when deep doubts exist, you cannot move forward blindly to repair the bond. If there are serious doubts about a decision or about the structure of the relationship, the clinical recommendation is to stop, because sometimes we get caught in dynamics that overwhelm us and that we cannot handle effectively, efficiently, and safely.

In these kinds of situations, it is advisable to seek couples therapy. Doing so with Dr. Fabio Olivo Montañez in Barranquilla is both valuable and strategic. As a Specialist in Clinical Psychology with a Master's degree in Conflict Management, and with a solid track record as a university professor and indexed researcher in couple crises, peace education, and conflict management, he offers a therapeutic approach that is not based on improvisation but on the latest scientific evidence applied to resolving human disputes, ensuring a process with a high level of pedagogical and methodological rigor.

When is it time to go to couples therapy?

Some critical warning signs are:

• Frequent arguments that never reach a solution.
• A sense of emotional distance and lack of affectionate connection.
• Trust issues, jealousy, or the presence of a third party in the relationship.
• Severe difficulty communicating and irreconcilable differences in life plans.
• When keeping the relationship going becomes extremely difficult.
• Recurring thoughts of separation or divorce.

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Contraindications and the Importance of a Thorough Assessment

Couples therapy is not a resource that applies to every situation, and in some cases it is strictly contraindicated. For example, when there are dynamics of abuse, extreme manipulation, untreated severe personality disorders, or when one of the partners attends under coercion, the therapeutic space cannot be safe.

For this reason, Dr. Fabio begins the process with a thorough assessment. This initial evaluation reveals whether the couple has the psychological, safety, and emotional conditions needed to take part in joint sessions. If the situation is contraindicated, this will be explained in detail and individual next steps will be recommended.

Tools for Managing Crises and Rebuilding Trust

Handling extreme situations within a couple requires a high level of expertise in emotional containment. Dr. Olivo brings to his practice his experience in highly vulnerable settings as an active member of the Red Cross volunteer rescue corps, in the area of Mental Health and Psychosocial Support (MHPSS), where he serves as a Training of Trainers (ToT) instructor in Medical Mission and as a Mental Health and Psychosocial Support Facilitator. This attests to his ability to intervene in crises, regulate states of emotional shock, and mediate in highly hostile environments.

Is it possible to regain the calm lost during the storm?

Yes, it is possible… With the right tools and daily practice, it is possible to overcome the fear of relating to others, loving the other person without asking them to become something they are not and without giving up my own desires… To do this, it is important to learn to tolerate uncertainty and to accept the other person's otherness from a perspective grounded in real love, not in Hollywood romances or the fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm.

Does therapy help if you are already thinking about separating?

Yes. The goal is to provide a safe, neutral, and professional space where both people can express what they feel and make conscious decisions. In some cases, the process allows the couple to rebuild the relationship based on a mutual, loyal commitment, free from excessive control. In others, it helps them go through a separation in an emotionally healthy way, protecting the mental health of the children at all times so that the family breakup does not turn into developmental trauma, and even allowing the bond to evolve into a mature, respectful friendship over the long term.

After the thorough initial assessment, Dr. Olivo designs a personalized treatment plan (usually between 6 and 10 structured sessions for specific problems, or broader support in cases of prolonged crisis). At his private practice in Barranquilla, with in-person and online options, he offers support grounded in listening, science, and absolute respect, designed to restore freedom and the ability to love without controlling.

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